All of the 2014 Grammy Performances, Ranked

The Grammy Awards: A giant concert where they

 ill maybe, sometimes actually hand out an award.

And this year's Grammys did not disappoint: Let's

be honest, anyone performing at the Grammys is

going to be good. So even the last place person

here had a good performance.

With that said, here are all of tonight's

performances, ranked:

18. Metallica & Lang Lang, "One": Cool guitars,

guys. But why do we feel like you're mad at us?

17. Hunter Hayes, "Invisible": Premiering a new

song at the Grammys is bold (bonus points for

bravery), but it also puts you at risk of being

forgotten. Taylor Swift can't even sing along in the

crowd, for Grammy's sake.

16. Lorde, "Royals":

Lorde sounded...hmm. Let's start over: Lorde has

sounded better. And nothing really happened,

aside from some crying gargoyles and a giant

spotlight. But we're always entertained by Lorde's

hand dancing. So there's that.

15. Keith Urban & Gary Clark, Jr., "Cop Car": It

was good singers singing. Isn't that what "The

Biggest Night in Music" is about?

14. Sara Bareilles & Carol King, "Brave" &

"Beautiful": This is officially our favorite dueling

piano bar! The songs mixed well and the

performance was very, very cute. But by this point

in the show we were fatigued with people sitting at

a piano. We get it.

13. Taylor Swift, "All Too Well":

Another person sitting at a piano. But Taylor

looked pretty and sounded pretty and we LOVED all

that HAIR WHIPPING. Like girl, was that a seizure?!

Has anyone checked her for whiplash?! We love

angry Taylor, we just wish Jake Gyllenhaal had

been in the audience for cutaways.

12. Nine Inch Nails, Queens Of The Stone Age,

Dave Grohl, & Lindsey Buckingham, Medley: This

is how you do rock 'n roll. Take note, Metallica.

11. Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Merle Haggard

& Blake Shelton, Medley: This was maybe the most

country thing that has ever happened on TV or

anywhere, ever. And we were into it.

PHOTOS: Check Out All of the Best Moments From

the 2014 Grammys

10. John Legend, "All of Me":

Any time that John Legend sings, we like to

pretend that he is serenading us. Which made the

fact that wife Chrissy Teigen was spotlighted the

whole performance a bit problematic. Lucky girl.

So are we absolutely crazy for wishing she had just

been laying on the piano instead?

9. Katy Perry & Juicy J, "Dark Horse":

Finally! The theme of the night was apparently

"simple," but Katy was like, "Nah. Not for me." She

had a literal dark horse thing on stage, which was

whatever. And Juicy J should have never been on

this song in the first place. But at least we were

distracted by Katy pole dancing on a witch's broom

stripper pole. And then there was twerking (well,

kinda. Hey Katy, let's talk).

8. Kacey Musgraves, "Follow Your Arrow":

We want those neon cactuses. We want those light-

up boots. We want that cute dress. And we love

that adorable song. 2014 will be the year of Kacey

Musgraves and you can hold us to that.

7. Sir Paul McCartney & Ringo Starr, "Queenie Eye":

It's the f--king Beatles, dude. Well, half of 'em.

And that's good enough for us.

6. Robin Thicke & Chicago, Medley featuring

"Blurred Lines":

The big band. The tuxes. This was classic, in the

best sense. It was also a much needed reminder

that Robin Thicke doesn't need to be controversial

or twerked upon to deliver a good show. We

actually liked it better before "Blurred Lines" too

(that song...again), but at least everyone kept their

clothes on this time?

5. Pink & Nate Reuss from fun., "Try" & "Just Give

Me a Reason":

The whole acrobat thing is an old trick for Pink, but

IT'S AMAZING EVERY SINGLE TIME. Pink could

show up and do her ribbon twirling every year and

we would be happy, especially because she

sounds amazing while she's doing it (take note:

everyone sitting at a piano). How is that woman so

strong?! Plus, Nate Ruess has a beautiful voice, so

that part was nice, too.

4. Imagine Dragons & Kendrick Lamar,

"Radioactive" & "M.A.A.D. City":

What a dope mashup! It was something new.

Something exciting. We loved it. Everyone loved it.

Taylor Swift. Beyoncé. Even Lorde was rocking

out! LORDE. WAS. DANCING. Plus those lights

were crazy cool (assuming you're not prone to

strokes).

3. Daft Punk, Pharrell & Stevie Wonder, "Get

Lucky":

If you were going to dance at any point in the

evening, it was here. And we did. Oh, we danced.

2. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Mary Lambert &

Madonna, "Same Love":

The feels. THE FEELS.

1. Beyoncé & JAY Z, "Drunk in Love":

Um, has anything sexier happened ever? So sexy!

So wet! Surfboart (#SURFBOART). Mrs. Carter

killed it tonight (all that booty shaking? Yes,

please) and it only got better when HOV came out.

We would watch these two watch paint dry.

Thankfully, they dirty grinded instead.